better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
