We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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