Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't deserve a penis
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
