You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
