just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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