OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
