just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
