Its about making memories worth repressing
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
