I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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