ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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