im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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