My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
