she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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