Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
