I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
