I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
