We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
