i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize