i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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