he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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