I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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