he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
