I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
