I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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