they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
