the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
