did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
