I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
