We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
