Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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