I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
