I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
