i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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