Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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