Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
