Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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