Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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