I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
