u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
