Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
