Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
