So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
