I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
