Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
