I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
