can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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