I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
