Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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