Porn is love you can see.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
