direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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