the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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