i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
