fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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