You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
