I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
