When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
