Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
