Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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