i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
