You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
