I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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