Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
