You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize