I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
