i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
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It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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