I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I need moral support for this bender
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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