he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
