The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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