He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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