You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
