You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
