I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So much Jack, so little girl.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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