And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
