you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
